Hard To Say I'm Sorry
by iloveromance
Summary: After learning the truth about rumors on Twitter involving herself and Peter, Alicia must find a way to apologize to Cary, her friend and colleague. but doing so and regaining his trust and friendship isn't so easy. (Episode "Fleas").


Alicia walked into her office, her heart heavy in her chest. She'd made a huge mistake; perhaps not a monumental or catastrophic one, but a huge mistake nonetheless. How could she have been so stupid, accusing Cary of something that clearly wasn't his fault? She still remembered the hurt look on his face when she confronted him. She should have known better; should have done more digging to find out the real truth instead of going with her first instinct. Now she was afraid that she'd ruined things forever.

Ever since Peter had come home (albeit, under close surveillance), her life had been purely chaotic. And the addition of frequent visitor Eli Gold had only made things more complicated.

_Damn him… Damn him for suggesting…_

She sank into her chair and picked up the papers for her latest case. She had, as she glanced at her watch, exactly two hours to get everything in order; the deposition, the subpoena, all of it. But after leafing through the paperwork, she had absolutely no recollection of what she'd just read.

_Damn it._

She placed her hands on her desk and rose in one fluid motion. She walked out of her office and into the hallway, pausing at the glass door of his office. He was at his desk, doing the same thing that she'd been doing before; looking through case files. But when their eyes met, she saw a flash of hurt and anger that made her shudder.

She couldn't wait any longer; not when their working relationship, their friendship was on the line. She'd apologized to people before, and she could do it again. This time was no different. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

_Damn it, Alicia. Just do it. _

Her heart racing, she knocked on the door.

"Go away."

Stung, she moved away from the door and turned in the opposite direction. Damn it, why was this so hard?

She turned around, determined to do what she'd come here to do and that was to apologize to her friend for her stupidity. With a burst of confidence (or at least something that felt like it), she knocked again and then opened the door. He looked up only briefly and then immediately turned to look out the window at the Chicago skyline.

"Cary, we need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Yeah? Well then you can just listen because I have something to say to you."

Without allowing him to protest, she entered the office and sat down in the chair opposite his desk. They stared at one another, like two prize fighters ready to climb into the ring. And the silence between them was deafening.

"Well, go ahead." Cary prompted bitterly.

She sighed deeply. "Cary, I'm sorry. When Eli suggested-."

His eyes widened. "Wait, is Eli the one who started this?"

She had no answer to that. It seemed that she had no answers for anything these days. And so she said the only thing she knew to be true. "Cary, ever since Eli came into my life, into my house, my life has been complete chaos. This thing with Peter, this… whatever it is, him living under the same roof as the kids and I… well, it's hard. But this… us… this rift between us… it doesn't have to be. Cary, I'm sorry. I want you to believe that. Eli told me that someone had been tweeting things about Peter and I-private things that only certain people knew."

"Alicia-."

"I'm so sorry, Cary. When I came home yesterday, Eli told me that they'd tracked the address from somewhere in the house, so I asked Zach and Grace about it. They both denied it of course, so Eli did some checking. It turns out that it was Zach's friend Becca."

Cary swallowed hard and rose from his desk. "Well, I'm glad you cleared that up. Thanks for stopping by."

"Cary-."

"I've gotta work."

For some strange, unknown reason, she found herself blinking back tears. "Cary, please-."

"Don't you have work to do?"

She forced a smile. "Yes. Thanks Cary."

Taking a deep breath, she made her way back to her office, but she no longer had any interest in returning to her work. How could she when things with Cary had been left as they were? She wanted to make a good impression at Lockhart/Gardner, and now she'd ruined things. Sure she and Cary had been competitive when she first came on board but she hoped that when they had started to become friends, that competition would melt away. Now it appeared that she'd not only lost his trust, but his friendship too.

Tears stung her eyes as she stared out the window, perhaps looking at the same scene that Cary had been looking at moments before. Why did things always end up like this? Why?

"Alicia?"

She turned in surprise to find Cary standing by her desk. "Your door was open so... I-I'm sorry. I should have knocked."

Embarrassed she grabbed a tissue and dried her eyes. "No, it's all right. I…"

"Alicia, there's something I need to say."

"You don't have to say anything Cary. The fault was mine. I should have never-."

His arms were around her, holding her close. She'd never imagined that Cary Agos would hug her, let alone hug anyone at all, but from her recent experience, she found that she didn't know him nearly as well as she thought she did. She held him tightly, wishing she could be held like this forever. Not in the romantic sense, for she had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever. But the fact that someone seemed to care about her, even when she'd screwed up-

"I'm sorry…"

She drew out of his hug and looked at him. "This isn't your fault."

"I know but I should have just accepted your apology instead of being such a jackass."

She laughed and put her hand on his shoulder. "You're not a jackass. You're an amazing lawyer, Cary. I mean that."

His face reddened, making her laugh once again and he smiled. "Thanks, Alicia. That means a lot to me."

"Good. Because you mean a lot to me too."

He paused only for a moment. "I'd better…"

"Yeah, you have work to do and so do I. We only have…" she looked at her watch and her eyes widened. "Oh my God, this is awful, I'll never get it done in time!"

"Yes you will." Cary said. "Because I'm going to help you."

"But what about your case?"

"Then you can help me. We're a team right?"

She hugged him again. "We're better than a team, Cary. We're _friends_."

THE END


End file.
